I gave blood the other day. Yay me. The American Red Cross comes to my work every 8 weeks. Its a good thing, right? The whole ritual is so funny though. I know they must ensure that they are getting most pristine blood out there, but really........I just gave blood in July and had I somehow had unprotected sexual relations with a Haitian, HIV positive, Hemophiliac, Drug Addict since then......really I think I'd know it, there is no need to ask me that question 5 different ways, tying to trick me into admitting it. Also, if that event had occurred, I think I'd have bigger issues going on and wouldn't necessarily be trying to pawn off my tainted blood. So I go through the whole Q & A thing, and pass with flying colors. Time to prick my finger to see if my iron level is ok to donate. Every time I get this done, they tell me I got the lowest number possible, so I can donate but if it were one thousandth of a point lower, I'd have gotten the big red flag. Now I know that since I have O negative blood, I'm a hot commodity, so I think that they see my iron number and just tell me that I skirted by just so they can have some of my precious blood. I'm surprised they don't suck it from both arms once they hear my blood type. OK, next is the blood pressure test. I normally have very low blood pressure......so the dude straps me up and starts pumping away at me (heehee)......then he releases a bit....pump me back up harder.....release a bit......pump me back up YET AGAIN.....he says "I'm not getting anything" so I said, "Dude, its really low, just be patient and please release my arm a little".......so finally he gets it.......and he looks at me in amazement and says, "yeah, it IS really low". I really think he thought I was dead - he checked my pulse 3 times after that.
OK, I'm all set, here is the part I just hate (but I do it every 8 weeks because its a good thing). Lying on the makeshift bed they put up in a conference room at work, in a room with other co-workers draining into bags. I can't look around, because I'm not crazy about the sight of blood, especially dripping out of people I see every day. So I seriously lie there stare at the ceiling and just pray that one of the Red Cross workers don't get caught on any of my blood tubes hanging down the side of the cot and trip and fall and most importantly don't rip the needle and my arm right from my body, in turn making my blood squirt all over the conference room and my co-workers. THAT, my friends, is what I think about the whole entire time I lie there squeezing and releasing the little stick they gave me as a prize. Then they give me this sheet of paper with a number to call in case I suddenly remember that sexual encounter and want to alert them to not use my blood. Would I put myself through all of this if I wasn't sure I was sparkling clean?
Is anyone else this neurotic?
PS Speaking of blood......since I'm now 2 books deep into the Twilight series and seriously hoping to someday really meet a vampire.......blood donation day is NOT the day I want this to occur. What if one of my co-workers is a vampire? This gives me a whole new neurotic thing to ponder while I lie there at work with no blood pressure, no iron and both arms draining my liquid gold blood.
PPS I also fear that if I get rejected because of my iron level then my co-workers will see me get rejected and they'd all think that I'd just recently had unprotected sexual relations with a Haitian, HIV positive, Hemophiliac, Drug Addict.
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5 comments:
Hi Lis from Simple, I am still laughing about your post, hilarious!
I've tried to give blood a couple of times but piercings, tattoos and/or pregnancy has stopped me each time. Perhaps if I had your blood type however they would have just winked and sucked it out anyway.
What a post! I am totally into Twilight too and have my hopes about meeting a vampire someday as well. I tried to give blood once, but I've been out of the country in 3rd world places where "I was exposed to too many diseases" and I can't give blood for a few more years. So, I haven't had the full experience, maybe someday.
My thoughts on giving blood:
The whole question thing is annoying. No one reads it. They don't even care. They hand people 3 sheets of paper full of questions and get them back in 7 seconds. No one reads that fast.
The worst part is getting my finger stuck. The arm is a given. The finger is overboard.
Like you, I also have fears of someone getting tangled in the tube leading to the needle in my arm and ripping it out.
It seems like such a long time between when they decide I am done and when they finally take the needle out of my arm.
I usually have to be asked to leave the canteen area after 8 packs of cookies, 4 bags of pretzels and 5 cans of orange juice.
Too bad for me I'm O positive. The last time I gave blood was on 6/6/06 it took 6 minuets and 6 seconds to get 6 milliliters (or however they measure blood). The way the Red Cross workers were looking at me you'd of thought I had horns and smoke coming out of my head.
Great post! Hilarious. LOL
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